Update

HOLY CANOLEY! Time is flying by.

I don't mean drifting by on soft, flapping wings, either. I mean SHOOTING PAST like a friggin' meteor or a spaceship in Star Wars.

Generally, I've been pretty happy lately. I've made some improvements in my life that I've needed to make for quite a while. I'm eating healthier, I'm exercising on a regular basis, and I'm making an effort to be more social.

While I have my happy moments, I can't seem to make my attitude STAY positive. I seem to be in a continuous cycle where I think, "Come on, Celeste. Let's be happy." So I'm there for a few hours, and before I know it I've slipped into the "self-pity, nobody loves me" mindset. It's MADDENING! (I've always liked that word. It's a great descriptor..)

I think my biggest complaint at the moment is that I feel like everyone I meet misunderstands my personality. I try to be "myself" (whatever that means.. how could I be anything else?) but I always seem to give people the wrong impression. I feel like I'm giving them only what they want to see-- the quirky, sometimes funny, slightly-talented girl. I feel like people look at what I can DO instead of how I THINK.. which I feel is more revealing to my character. I get frustrated when people judge me by my actions without knowing of my intentions. Then again, there's the constant argument that a person does what he/she thinks. I think this is true, too.. so I have conflicting opinions. Maybe the truth is that people really do see me for who I am, and I'm over-thinking things--which is probable.

I'm going to look at patterns today for a summer dress. I want it to be really simple. Similar to this one but a higher waist, no bow, and, of course, longer. I'd probably do it in a light blue or light yellow.

When people find out I can sew, they always act surprised. Am I really THAT girl?

Anyway, let me know what you think.

Life is Beautiful

Valentine's Day is pretty great.

Even when I don't have anyone "special" to celebrate it with, it's fun to see the world giving a little more love than it usually does.

Friday night I wanted to watch a movie (cause that's what I do when I'm bored..) and I was struggling to think of the right one for my mood. Being Valentine's weekend, I wanted it to be at least slightly romantic, but I didn't want to watch a chick-flick. (I've been anti-c.f.'s lately.. not sure why.) It came down to Life is Beautiful and West Side Story. I eenie-miney-moed for LiB.

Um. Hello BEST RANDOM CHOICE EVER. While I've always loved W.S.S... this was perfect for me. I'd kind of been moping around the last couple days thinking about how I hadn't ever really "dated" anyone too seriously. While watching LiB I realized that it's okay, because I'll find someone to make up for all this time I've been by myself.

Guido (the main guy) is incredible. Not only does he stay optimistic in the ABSOLUTE WORST situation possible.. he encourages his son to think positively, too. I know if I were in his situation, I'd be complaining, trying to make fun of the people that were torturing me, or wallowing in self-pity. It wouldn't even cross my mind to try to think of a way to make it a fun situation for those around me. Guido doesn't worry about what ANYONE thinks except his family. He takes risks that could literally end his life for his son.

I need to be more selfless, optimistic, and happy.

(Now for the spiritual moment..)

This morning I was laying in bed and thinking about how I could change the world (yeah, I realize the irony). I thought about the small steps I could take toward making everyone's lives a little bit better. Then I started my scripture study and read Helaman 5:7-8. I can't pick out the "best parts" so here it is:

"7-Therefore, my sons, I would that ye should do that which is good, that it may be said of you, and also be written, even as it has been said and written of [Lehi, Nephi, etc.].

8-And now my sons, behold I have somewhat more to desire of you, which desire is, that ye may not do these things that ye may boast, but that ye may do these things to lay up for yourselves a treasure in heaven, yea, which is eternal, and which fadeth not away; yea, that ye may have that precious gift of eternal life, which we have reason to suppose hath been given to our fathers."

Imagine my shame when I realized how selfishly I was thinking! I was literally thinking "What can I do to make people realize I'm trying to change the world?" (because I had been thinking of the Olympics and the fame of the Olympians.. haha.) and BAM! I was shown the error of my ways. I need to be doing good things quietly, happily, and humbly (like Guido).

I love big realizations like that. Especially when it's something I should have already figured out.

Fun Time :D

Yesterday was fun. 

I saw a deer flip and fly (seriously.. at least 10 feet in the air) to it's sad and intricate death. Then I watched the face of the man who killed it. He looked heartbroken.. but I think that was just because his car was busted.

Favorite quotes of the day (yester..day):

"The great thing about music is that when it hits you, it doesn't hurt"-- Anonymous

"Unless it hits you in the face"-- Anonymous #2

 "I want to go to Egypt"

"Because of Harry Potter, right?"

"I feel like I could get pregnant from sitting on this toilet."

"Pot isn't bad for you, it's just illegal!"

KilbyCourt.

Oh, praise Kilby Court in all it's ghetto-ness.

I'll admit, the first time I stepped foot down the dark alley with seemingly nothing but trees and creepers, I was terrifed. It seemed like a place in one of those gang movies where all the murders happen that the cops don't ever find out about. Basically I was about to turn around and run. Thank goodness I didn't! As soon as you go past the ticketbox, the whole atmosphere changes. There's a friendly little fire-pit, fun musicians, and plenty of lighting and happiness to make you feel right at home (not to mention incredible music). :D

I. Love. Kilby Court.

(and I'm going tonight! yeeehaw!)

Beautiful. :D

Just Smile.

I know I've been posting a LOT lately. Sorry if that annoys you. I just HAVE to say..

The last few days I have been SO down and pessimistic about everything. One might call me a "Debbie Downer". It's really been frustrating me because I can't seem to make myself be positive or happy. I've been trying different things to make myself stay uppity, but nothing has been working.

JUST NOW I remembered a post my friend Ellen did on her blog (which you can see here) about smiling.  I thought about how I hadn't laughed as often recently, and thus I hadn't smiled as much. I forced myself to smile. Suddenly my mood has brightened and I feel infinitely better.

Reasons I have to smile:

• I'm Celeste Carruth. None of you can say that. (Unless you're my distant cousin who's name is Celeste Carruth... if so, why are you reading my blog?)
• For the most part, I like myself.
• I have an incredible family. Every single member of my family has unique qualities that I don't think I could live without.
• I am a member of the only true church on the earth. How lucky am I?!
• My friends respect my opinions and (generally) have the same standards as me.
• I'm healthy.
• I have quite possibly the softest skin on this earth.
• I live in a free country.
• I have 2 jobs.
• I have hope for the future.
• I have the ability to make myself see things the way I want to see them.
• I can (and love to) read and write.
• Despite all my complaints, there's always food in my house (though it's not always Spaghettios..)
• I'm not an insomniac. I can sleep.
• I'm talented at several things.

Yep. Life is good.

The Twits.

A few weeks ago, some friends and I were in our storage room (better know as the "spider room") and I found some books. Among these books were a few Roald Dahl books. Lately I've been reading through these books and sort of re-living my childhood. The Twits was probably my favorite childhood book. :)

Even though I absolutely LOVED The Twits was because of the story line, I'm realizing how incredibly intelligent Roald Dahl is. Every sentence he writes has a purpose. :D

This is probably my favorite part:

"If a person has ugly thoughts, it begins to show on the face. And when that person has ugly thoughts every day, every week, every year, the face gets uglier and uglier until it gets so ugly you can hardly bear to look at it.

"A person who has good thoughts cannot ever be ugly. You can have a wonky nose and a crooked mouth and a double chin and stick-out teeth, but if you have good thoughts they will shine out of your face like sunbeams and you will always look lovely.

Nothing good shone out of Mrs. Twit's face."

Isn't that a fantastic proposal? No matter WHAT your features are, you can pick how attractive you are depending on what you think. I absolutely love that idea. I think it's true, too!

I vividly remember going to my cousin's birthday party when I was younger and I met one of the prettiest girls I'd ever seen. She was seriously stunning! (Please understand, I was not attracted to this girl. I just thought that she had perfect features.) After a few conversations, her beauty LITERALLY deteriorated. I remember thinking "Did I really think she was pretty?". Her comments were always bitter, selfish, and rude. I could not believe how suddenly my perception of her looks changed. I'll never forget that.

While it was disheartening to see the negative side of that phenomenon, it validated that the positive side was true, too. It's a hopeful thought that no matter how unattractive someone may seem, I should get to know them before making any decisions about how I feel about them.

...yay.

Thoughts.

Yes, I've been thinking again.

I'm reading a book that Eric's friend Jeff recommended called "The Glass Castle".

It's a non-fiction book about a woman that grew up in an extremely poor family. It's SO interesting to see her perspective on the things that happen in her life. To her, a father getting drunk is almost a natural part of life. Living in broken down houses with mice and cockroaches is an adventure. Her parents encourage her to think this way. Her mother is especially always giving her perspective on different things.

While I don't agree with the way her parents influence her thoughts (seriously, it seems like brain-washing to me..), I find it interesting how well it works. This young girl keeps the most positive attitude in the absolute WORST situations I could imagine. It's made me realize some things about myself.

I've realized that social norms really, really bother me.

I have realized that as long as I'm happy with the things I'm doing, I shouldn't care what other people think. Despite that realization, I know that I DO care. That frustrates me.

I've realized how hard it is to be a GOOD parent. I already knew they made sacrifices, but reading about how difficult it was for these two parents to provide simple things for their children made it even more apparent to me. Because of that, I've decided that I'm not ready to be a mother.

It's a really great book. It plays with your emotions and changes your perspective. (I should warn you that there is quite a bit of language coming from her father.) Anyway. There are my thoughts.