Jeff Dunham

My Co-worker and I were just talking about the crazy people that come into banks, and we had this thought:

Does Jeff Dunham take his puppets to do his transactions? And if so, are they on his account?

I'll bet Achmed the dead Terrorist would be a nightmare to help.



Soap Box

I hope you aren't sick of this topic, cause it's something I'm pretty passionate about.

The following are some excerpts from

Collin McGinn's

"Whe Not Be A Bad Person?"

(I know I won't be writing these in thechnically correct ways, but I don't really care... so you shouldn't either.)

Beauty and truth are often linked with goodness as the supreme values: these three commodities are what the world should contain more of. I am happy to go along with these noble sentiments, but I would add that beauty and truth are bound up with goodness in inextricable ways, as follows.

A good person is a truthful person: habitual deceivers are not good. And truthful not only to others but to themselves: they seek out and respect the truth for their own consumption, not fooling themselves about where the truth lies. She who loves goodness also loves truth.

Less, obviously, beauty has a close relation to goodness. Many beautiful works of art are suffused with moral goodness, in ways that are hard to disentangle from their beauty; but more to the point, goodness of character is itself a form of beauty-- what we might call 'moral beauty' or 'beauty of soul'. The character of a good person gives aesthetic pleasure. A bad person, by contrast, has an ugly character, a soul we find it repungent to gaze upon. I think this is why we like to hang the pictures of those we admire, while we find it hard to stand the sight of the wicked. Thus goodness partakes of beauty. Indeed, given that not everyone can be physically beautiful, goodness of character affords one of the few other ways of exemplifying beauty. Nor does it require special talents of great labour, like being musically or poetically gifted. In a sense anyone can be morally beautiful, though not anyone can exhibit musical or literary beauty. This is because moral beauty is more an affair of the will than other kinds.

So if you want to make up for a lack of looks, you don't have to become an opera singer; you can simply become a decent human being.

The face of a good person is apt to radiate the virtue within, thus acquiring a beauty it would not otherise have; while the face of a bad person will tend the reflect the innter ugliness and be repellent to the gaze. Look at the expression on a face, notably when in repose: it can say a lot. This is not of course a simple matter of plain physical ugliness being the measure of a man's badness-- far from it. It is a much subtler thing than that, though one that most people can recognise when they see a clear instance of it (I mention no names). A physically ugly face can give off moral beauty, and a physically beautiful face can be marred by inner corruption. Nor, of course, is it easy to judge a person's character from her face, and major mistakes can be made, but with experience it is a skill that can be developed. Attend to the smile, the play of the eyes, the indefinable aura of the overall expression. Naturally the older a person gets, so that their face has had more time to mould itself to their soul, the easier it becomes to read their character from what begins at the neck and ends at the crown. I often think that a certain sort of tightness in the face is a suspicious sign.

So, if you are still wondering what reason you have to be virtuous, there is this reason at least: you don't want to end up looking even less attractive than you do now!

I think one of my favorite things about this article is how much he focuses on recognizing the moral beauty of others.. instead of the typical "focus on becoming morally beautiful". I think it's good to put effort into the way you act and look, but it's even better to look for the good in others.

Anywho. Be good, look good.

Think, Feel, Do

I miss being a kid.

When we were little, our parents got us some tapes with those awesome "we're trying to teach your kids right and wrong but in a fun way that they'll love" songs.

One of our favorites was the "Think, Feel, Do Polka".

It went a little something like this:

"You think it. You feel it. You do it. It's that Old 'Think, Feel, Do Polka'"

Truly inspiring lyrics.

Sarcasm aside, it's a great principle. How do you expect to stay lazy if you're constantly thinking about exciting, active activities? Or.. maybe the opposite is more in tune with your situation. How do you expect to be an energetic, exciting person when all you can think to do is watch T.V. and sleep?

I've always liked to take it one step past "doing" .. into "becoming". Kind of like Aristotle's famous quote, "You are what you repeatedly do". How often does that principle apply? For example, if you're thinking beautiful thoughts, will that eventually make you a beautiful person? I feel like I've talked about this before..

Lately I've been considering the potential people take so casually. We can literally become anything.. thanks to plastic surge and hair-dye. (just kidding... kind of.) Obviously to do so, you need to set goals. But I think the easiest way to adjust to that ideal image of yourself is to imagine it. Pretend your character is already what you want it to be. Act as if you were that person. Dress like them, eat like them, exercise like them, and talk like them. Eventually you'll be that person without having to try! Sure, it's easier said than done. But it's worth a shot. :D

Yay for life!

Holi-daze

I'm the stickler that doesn't listen to Christmas music till after Thanksgiving.

I don't watch Christmas movies anytime other than December.

I don't even do my Christmas shopping till the last minute.

It seems like every year after Christmas I regret all the things I didn't do.

"Oh, I didn't listen to this Christmas album!"

"I forgot about this amazing Christmas movie and now it's too late!"

"I didn't get such-and-such a present!"

(Okay, honestly, I've never really felt bad for not getting somebody a present unless they get me something and I'm unprepared. I just don't like spending money, okay? Here, have a cookie.)

I get so psyched about the Holidays throughout the whole year.. and then when the time comes, I'm rarely in the mood to party-- festive style.

I LOVE CHRISTMAS!

Why wouldn't I?

I think I just need to embrace it. I'll go buy some fancy-shmancy sweaters like the ones old ladies wear. Better yet, I'll make some... and they will have bells and lightbulbs sewn on.

Here's a truly awesome Christmas-esque picture to get me into the spirit of things.

(yeah, I googled "awesome Christmas" to find that.)

Emotion

"We are all fools in love"

-Jane Austen

In my opinion, there are two sides of emotion.

1-The beautiful emotions that help you recognize beauty in the world.

2- The awful emotions that get the best of you.

We're going to start with number 2 so that this post can end on a happy note.

Infatuation, jealousy, pride, pity..

As Jane so accurately points out, these emotions can make us look pretty idiotic.

If I had a nickel for every time I'd done something I'd known was idiotic and had done it simply because I felt like it... I'd have a lot of nickels.

Better yet, if I counted the number of times I'd made somebody angry, confused, or annoyed JUST because I was having a down day, it would probably be an astronomical number.

Emotion and reason tend to be enemies.

I think one of the greatest signs of maturity is a persons ability to ignore their emotions and do whatever is most reasonable.. which is probably why girls that whine aren't taken very seriously.

I'd always thought that I had good control over my emotions.. but lately it seems to be the case less often than I would like.

NUMBER ONE!

Compassion, awe, admiration, peace, attraction, respect, happiness...

These emotions tend to work in our favor.

I've never regretted a day in which I've had a smile on my face for no apparent reason.

The same can't be said about a scowling day.

These are the emotions that I crave to create in the world.

aaaand.. discuss!

Dream

I don't think there's any way possible that I can prepare you for this awesomeness... so we're just going to dive in.

Me and a buddy were just getting on I-215 when our engine started smoking. We pulled over to the side of the road and opened up our hood to see what was going on. Considering the fact that I have absolutely no knowledge about cars, the mechanics were ridiculously simple in my dream. There was a long cord with a metal hook and the end and I was supposed to stick it inside a metal tube to fix the problem. I stuck it too far and when I pulled it out, it was on fire. I freaked out and then my shoe caught fire. It hurt. (Isn't it crazy that even though it didn't happen, my brain still registered pain?)

We struggled to think of a solution when our car still wouldn't start. A nice lady pulled over to help, but she seemed stressed and anxious.
"The fight starts at 5:55.. you guys have to get out of here!"

We had no idea what she was talking about, and our confusion showed on our faces.. but she didn't expound.

"They're coming!" She screamed and sped away.

We looked at each other and noted the mirrored expressions that matched our emotions. Then we looked at the freeway and noticed no one was on the road but us. A strange sound began and continually grew louder and louder.It was a mixture of strange humming and thumping.. Then we saw the horde of slow moving cars and marching people inching toward us around the curve of the road. We started to get nervous and tried to walk quickly in the opposite direction, but it seemed that even when we started running they were moving faster than we were. As they came closer we noticed the gray pallor of their skin and the dead look in their eyes.

They were zombies.

They seemed not to notice us immediately, so we tried to fit in. As they swarmed around us, we looked straight forward, moved with the flow of undead. Eventually they split-- some took an exit, others continued forward. We were rushed away into the exit. Somehow we escaped the masses and ran into a gas station bathroom.

"What are we supposed to do?!" I cried to my friend.

No response.

That's when I noticed the greenish bite mark on his neck.

I ran as fast as I could, trying to find a safe haven. Looking around as I run, I notice the zombies have begun to fight amongst themselves.

I run into another gas station and lock the door, and as I do so I hear a whimper.

Behind the cashiering station I see a familiar, warm-looking face.

She sees that I'm not yet a monster and runs to me, tears running down her face.

"What do we do?!" She cries.

I reply in a flat voice, "We have to fight."

(Side note-- you know how things change in dreams? Well, by now the "zombies" are a weird combination of vampires, zombies, and just creepy-looking people. They're just as easily killed as humans, no special tools necessary. By now I've also come to the knowledge that the only way to survive is to be the last man standing.)

We decide to get a car. Luckily, there just happens to be a super fast, super awesome  kind (not in existence in real life) right in front of the gas station with keys in the ignition. Unfortunately, there's a group of the "changed" people right in front of the door. We decide to go for it, swinging at as many of the changed as we can along the way. We make it to the car, but we've noticed that both of us have the dusty pallor.

We've changed.

Fortunately, we're still intelligent beings and we decide to work together to the end. More than 2/3 of the changed are dead now. We just have to outlast them.. and two gray heads are better than one. We sit in the car for a few minutes, trying to comprehend what's happening and maybe think of a strategy. That's when I notice the arsenal embedded in the front and back ends of the car.

Suddenly we're shooting at the crazies like there's no tomorrow (which I suppose is the truth for one of us).They're falling around us like leaves in the autumn. We know we're attracting all of them to us with the noise we're causing.. these are curious beings. We're down to about ten of the changed left when the car of awesomeness runs out of juice.. so I turn on the ignition and decide to finish them off with skill and finesse.

We're speeding away quickly, and I check my mirrors to make sure my plan is working. Affirmative, they're all getting in super-awesome cars, chasing us down. I let off the acceleration a little, letting them catch up. I turn to my partner in crime. "Open up the glovebox and pull out the flamethrower!" (Obviously, I didn't need to find out if there was a flamethrower.. a car this awesome would undoubtedly have one.) By now the first of the three cars has caught up. They ram our side, and my friend cautiously rolls down the window. Thinking we have something to say, the other car does the same. When we have a full view of their faces, she blasts them with her weapon, and all three inside are finished.

Knowing the other two cars would have seen this, I have to think of something new to finish them with. That is, until I notice that they're battling it out on their own. It's a cruel battle, much like a game of chicken. Neither of them swerve, and the explosion of both cars shakes the ground. My friend and I are the only ones left.

We turn to each other with looks of dread and terror on our faces.

"How should we do this?" I ask.

Suddenly her face turns hard and my terror rises exponentially.

"Like this"

She points the flamethrower at my face..

And then I wake up.

Money

I wanted to write a big rambler about the woes of dealing in money.. but this song by Josh Wilson pretty much sums it up. Take a little listen and (hopefully) you won't regret it.

(Also, I apologize for the messiness, but I couldn't find it on playlist.com and I'm too lazy to try and make the video prettier.)