Dear, oh dear, do I hate hypocrites.
Warning: This letter is extremely personal and mostly my ranting and raging about something unimportant. If you are easily annoyed by emotions, DO NOT READ. Consider yourself warned!
I'll admit I can be rude sometimes.. all in jest. I wouldn't ever intentionally hurt somebody's feelings. Whenever I've gotten the slightest impression I've offended someone, I've done everything I could think of to make it right.
One boy in particular got offended multiple times by the jokes I told (please understand, they weren't dirty or inappropriate.. just very sarcastic), and each time I apologized (sometimes, I'll admit, I found the things I was apologizing for ridiculous, but because he was offended I really had remorse and I was sincere in my apologies.) I tried to be just as nice to him as I was to everyone else I knew, but for him it wasn't enough.
Then he left to college and I had other friends. We didn't talk for a while. When he came back after the school year, a bunch of us were hanging out and it seemed pretty normal. Then he left on his mission
A few weeks ago, a number of my friends were doing this thing called "Project:Happy" in which we would do everything we could to make those around us happy. I decided I would write letters to all those who had influenced me the most in my life, and this boy was included in that group of people. I wrote a very heartfelt, sincere letter apologizing yet again for my sarcastic behavior in high school (which, by now, was more than a year and a half prior) and thanked him for being patient with me.
I got a letter back today that started out with him telling me he was sick of forgiving me and didn't know if he could do it anymore. He told me he had been ready to forgive me when he came back from college but that he "felt anything from welcome. Not only from [me] but the entire group. But [he] expected more from [me]. For some reason [he] always had" He explained that he was "letting go of [his] grudge" but that he'd given up on our friendship. At the end of his letter he told me about a dream he'd had in which we argued and I told him he couldn't keep a grudge against me, and he told me he could do whatever he wanted. I then reportedly said "'lots of people look up to you. I thought you were better'". (I'll confess, the dream sounds pretty accurate to what would happen if I were to talk to him now.) He said that that dream had bothered him to the point where he felt he needed to write me and clear the air.
In the end, I ended up more hurt and annoyed than I had been before I'd written my letter. I thought about writing him a letter pointing out all the fallacies in his "clearing of the air", but I figured he should be focusing on his mission and teaching those around him. I'll let it go. I won't write to him again, I probably won't go to his homecoming. I'll stay out of his life, which seems to be what he'd prefer for me to do.
I just had to vent.