Dec 27, 2010

Think, Feel, Do

I miss being a kid.
When we were little, our parents got us some tapes with those awesome "we're trying to teach your kids right and wrong but in a fun way that they'll love" songs.
One of our favorites was the "Think, Feel, Do Polka".
It went a little something like this:
"You think it. You feel it. You do it. It's that Old 'Think, Feel, Do Polka'"
Truly inspiring lyrics.

Sarcasm aside, it's a great principle. How do you expect to stay lazy if you're constantly thinking about exciting, active activities? Or.. maybe the opposite is more in tune with your situation. How do you expect to be an energetic, exciting person when all you can think to do is watch T.V. and sleep?

I've always liked to take it one step past "doing" .. into "becoming". Kind of like Aristotle's famous quote, "You are what you repeatedly do". How often does that principle apply? For example, if you're thinking beautiful thoughts, will that eventually make you a beautiful person? I feel like I've talked about this before..

Lately I've been considering the potential people take so casually. We can literally become anything.. thanks to plastic surge and hair-dye. (just kidding... kind of.) Obviously to do so, you need to set goals. But I think the easiest way to adjust to that ideal image of yourself is to imagine it. Pretend your character is already what you want it to be. Act as if you were that person. Dress like them, eat like them, exercise like them, and talk like them. Eventually you'll be that person without having to try! Sure, it's easier said than done. But it's worth a shot. :D

Yay for life!

Dec 3, 2010


I'm the stickler that doesn't listen to Christmas music till after Thanksgiving.
I don't watch Christmas movies anytime other than December.
I don't even do my Christmas shopping till the last minute.

It seems like every year after Christmas I regret all the things I didn't do.
"Oh, I didn't listen to this Christmas album!"
"I forgot about this amazing Christmas movie and now it's too late!"
"I didn't get such-and-such a present!"
(Okay, honestly, I've never really felt bad for not getting somebody a present unless they get me something and I'm unprepared. I just don't like spending money, okay? Here, have a cookie.)

I get so psyched about the Holidays throughout the whole year.. and then when the time comes, I'm rarely in the mood to party-- festive style.

Why wouldn't I?

I think I just need to embrace it. I'll go buy some fancy-shmancy sweaters like the ones old ladies wear. Better yet, I'll make some... and they will have bells and lightbulbs sewn on.

Here's a truly awesome Christmas-esque picture to get me into the spirit of things.

(yeah, I googled "awesome Christmas" to find that.)

Nov 28, 2010


"We are all fools in love"
-Jane Austen

In my opinion, there are two sides of emotion.
1-The beautiful emotions that help you recognize beauty in the world.
2- The awful emotions that get the best of you.

We're going to start with number 2 so that this post can end on a happy note.
Infatuation, jealousy, pride, pity..
As Jane so accurately points out, these emotions can make us look pretty idiotic.
If I had a nickel for every time I'd done something I'd known was idiotic and had done it simply because I felt like it... I'd have a lot of nickels.
Better yet, if I counted the number of times I'd made somebody angry, confused, or annoyed JUST because I was having a down day, it would probably be an astronomical number.
Emotion and reason tend to be enemies.
I think one of the greatest signs of maturity is a persons ability to ignore their emotions and do whatever is most reasonable.. which is probably why girls that whine aren't taken very seriously.
I'd always thought that I had good control over my emotions.. but lately it seems to be the case less often than I would like.

Compassion, awe, admiration, peace, attraction, respect, happiness...
These emotions tend to work in our favor.
I've never regretted a day in which I've had a smile on my face for no apparent reason.
The same can't be said about a scowling day.
These are the emotions that I crave to create in the world.

aaaand.. discuss!

Nov 8, 2010


I don't think there's any way possible that I can prepare you for this awesomeness... so we're just going to dive in.

Me and a buddy were just getting on I-215 when our engine started smoking. We pulled over to the side of the road and opened up our hood to see what was going on. Considering the fact that I have absolutely no knowledge about cars, the mechanics were ridiculously simple in my dream. There was a long cord with a metal hook and the end and I was supposed to stick it inside a metal tube to fix the problem. I stuck it too far and when I pulled it out, it was on fire. I freaked out and then my shoe caught fire. It hurt. (Isn't it crazy that even though it didn't happen, my brain still registered pain?)
We struggled to think of a solution when our car still wouldn't start. A nice lady pulled over to help, but she seemed stressed and anxious.
"The fight starts at 5:55.. you guys have to get out of here!"
We had no idea what she was talking about, and our confusion showed on our faces.. but she didn't expound.
"They're coming!" She screamed and sped away.

We looked at each other and noted the mirrored expressions that matched our emotions. Then we looked at the freeway and noticed no one was on the road but us. A strange sound began and continually grew louder and louder.It was a mixture of strange humming and thumping.. Then we saw the horde of slow moving cars and marching people inching toward us around the curve of the road. We started to get nervous and tried to walk quickly in the opposite direction, but it seemed that even when we started running they were moving faster than we were. As they came closer we noticed the gray pallor of their skin and the dead look in their eyes.
They were zombies.
They seemed not to notice us immediately, so we tried to fit in. As they swarmed around us, we looked straight forward, moved with the flow of undead. Eventually they split-- some took an exit, others continued forward. We were rushed away into the exit. Somehow we escaped the masses and ran into a gas station bathroom.
"What are we supposed to do?!" I cried to my friend.
No response.
That's when I noticed the greenish bite mark on his neck.

I ran as fast as I could, trying to find a safe haven. Looking around as I run, I notice the zombies have begun to fight amongst themselves.
I run into another gas station and lock the door, and as I do so I hear a whimper.
Behind the cashiering station I see a familiar, warm-looking face.
She sees that I'm not yet a monster and runs to me, tears running down her face.
"What do we do?!" She cries.
I reply in a flat voice, "We have to fight."

(Side note-- you know how things change in dreams? Well, by now the "zombies" are a weird combination of vampires, zombies, and just creepy-looking people. They're just as easily killed as humans, no special tools necessary. By now I've also come to the knowledge that the only way to survive is to be the last man standing.)
We decide to get a car. Luckily, there just happens to be a super fast, super awesome  kind (not in existence in real life) right in front of the gas station with keys in the ignition. Unfortunately, there's a group of the "changed" people right in front of the door. We decide to go for it, swinging at as many of the changed as we can along the way. We make it to the car, but we've noticed that both of us have the dusty pallor.
We've changed.

Fortunately, we're still intelligent beings and we decide to work together to the end. More than 2/3 of the changed are dead now. We just have to outlast them.. and two gray heads are better than one. We sit in the car for a few minutes, trying to comprehend what's happening and maybe think of a strategy. That's when I notice the arsenal embedded in the front and back ends of the car.
Suddenly we're shooting at the crazies like there's no tomorrow (which I suppose is the truth for one of us).They're falling around us like leaves in the autumn. We know we're attracting all of them to us with the noise we're causing.. these are curious beings. We're down to about ten of the changed left when the car of awesomeness runs out of juice.. so I turn on the ignition and decide to finish them off with skill and finesse.
We're speeding away quickly, and I check my mirrors to make sure my plan is working. Affirmative, they're all getting in super-awesome cars, chasing us down. I let off the acceleration a little, letting them catch up. I turn to my partner in crime. "Open up the glovebox and pull out the flamethrower!" (Obviously, I didn't need to find out if there was a flamethrower.. a car this awesome would undoubtedly have one.) By now the first of the three cars has caught up. They ram our side, and my friend cautiously rolls down the window. Thinking we have something to say, the other car does the same. When we have a full view of their faces, she blasts them with her weapon, and all three inside are finished.
Knowing the other two cars would have seen this, I have to think of something new to finish them with. That is, until I notice that they're battling it out on their own. It's a cruel battle, much like a game of chicken. Neither of them swerve, and the explosion of both cars shakes the ground. My friend and I are the only ones left.
We turn to each other with looks of dread and terror on our faces.
"How should we do this?" I ask.
Suddenly her face turns hard and my terror rises exponentially.
"Like this"
She points the flamethrower at my face..

And then I wake up.

Oct 27, 2010


I wanted to write a big rambler about the woes of dealing in money.. but this song by Josh Wilson pretty much sums it up. Take a little listen and (hopefully) you won't regret it.
(Also, I apologize for the messiness, but I couldn't find it on and I'm too lazy to try and make the video prettier.)

Oct 7, 2010


Here's one of those posts I know you all love-- the rambling type.
These are the kinds I tend to write when I have a lot of repeating thoughts that I can't seem to figure out inside my little head. Typing them out and trying to make them understandable for other people helps me a lot.

First order of business is General Conference.
I have to admit, I didn't connect with as many talks as usual this conference. There were one or two that answered questions I had, but the majority of the time I found myself thinking, "This is a great story".
One of the few that did stick out to me was, along with the rest of the world, President Packer's. However, at first I was perplexed at the response it recieved. While I was listening it seemed that it was the talk that was written especially for me. It was exactly what I needed to hear. It was full of love and pleading to make a greater effort to return to the Father in Heaven that loves and created me. For that, I know that Pres. Packer is a prophet, and I stand by whatever he preaches to be truth. I had to listen to it a second time to realize how it could offend those who may believe differently. I understand that it may seem like ignorance. I don't want to debate about it, so please, if you disagree with me, don't post a comment on my blog. I WILL DELETE IT. I'd love to hear your opinion about the matter, so give me a call or shoot me a text. However, if you say anything rude, hurtful, or insulting to MY beliefs, I will discontinue the conversation. 

Secondly, I want to talk about a little realization I've had recently. You know the saying "It's the thought that counts"? Well, I disagree. I've decided that the things that mean the most to me are so impactful because of the effort involved. Whether it be a tighter hug, a little note, or a smile, it makes a world of difference. Imagine hugging someone that you like. Hugging them is pleasant enough, but when the embrace is tightened a little, your heart warms and a smile will appear involuntarily. At least, that's how it is for me.

Third, I want to discuss towel size.
It's ridiculous. When I was little, towels were the right proportion for my body. Why can't they grow at the same rate that I do? I'm tempted to buy a blanket-sized towel. If those don't exist, I'll sew 4 towels together. I want to be encompassed in warmth when I get out of the shower, pool, lake, whatever. I don't want to rub my skin off with a rag and then attempt to cover my body with it.

The fourth order of business is the weather.
I was chatting away with a quite attractive someone about the way Utahns are never pleased with the weather. Naturally there are exceptions.. like me. I love all types of weather. But generally, the public is displeased with whatever the sky decides to do that day. For example, it's been a relatively warm Autumn this summer, and I've only heard one or two positive responses about it. On the other hand, if it were a normal or even slightly chillier than normal Autumn, the world would be utter chaos. People would raid coat stores, they would light houses on fire just to stay warm, etc., etc.. Okay, wait. Maybe not that extreme. BUT there would be a heckuva lot o' complainin round these parts. You can't disagree (or i'll kill you).

Fifth is my hair.
Should I dye it darker? It's been a while.

Sixth is my fam.
I love them. I love them lots and lots. They are the reason I'm so awesome. (seriously.)
With Chris and Paul in NJ on their adventure that's called "Life".. it makes me realize how much I really love 'em. Also, it makes me realize how AWESOME it is that I get to be with them FOREVER AND EVER.

Older picture.. I think it's right after Eric's Homecoming.

That is all.

Oct 1, 2010

Myspace Gems

I spent SO much time there.

One of the beauties I found whilst re-visiting my Jr. High life was the following list. It's pretty darned similar to some of the things I write on here. I guess I haven't changed much. I love to think about things I love. 
Heeeeere we go! My Natural Highs (or things that automatically make me feel good) are:

1. Lake Powell.
2. Laughing so hard my stomache hurts.
3. Stars.
4. Playing in the rain.
5. Playing the trumpet
6. Getting mail.
7. Playing music that fits my mood and singing insanely loud along with it.
8. Doing a mass cleaning in my room, only to watch all the clothes and crap pile up again.
9. Lying in bed listening to the rain outside.
10. Layers. Whether on cake or in clothing.
11. Shakes. Only good flavors.
12. Foot massages at Lake Powell.
13. Laughing with my family. Especially those times when none of us can stop. My moms eyes water, my stomache hurts, someone snorts, etc.
14. A deep conversation. Usually about religion, but can be otherwise
15. Trying to comprehend uncomprehensible things.. like eternity.
16. Talking about my siblings. Sorry if it's annoying, but they're my favorites.
17. Painting. Painting clothing, paper, wood, a wall. Whatever.
18. Making someone smile.
19. Reading for a whole day.
20. Cooking. Sewing. All that mom stuff :)
21. Being around a person who, whether joking or not, will never say anything rude to you,or about anyone else.
22. Being called gorgeous, pretty, beautiful, instead of cool, cute, or hot.
23. Waking up early, thinking it's time to get up.. and then realizing i have 3 more hours to sleep.
24. Dressing up in strange outfits and walking somewhere, and then watching peoples reactions.
25. Watching good shows with my family.
26. Wrapping up in a blanket, putting a hood on, and hiding from the world...just for a moment.
27. Arby's and Noodles and Co.
28. Waterskiing!
29. Watching the sunRISE.
30. Learning something i know i'll use.. like.. how to make a really good dessert, etc.
31. Flying Dreams!
32. Hot chocolate.
33. Learning a really hard piece on the piano or trumpet.
34. Swings. This one should be higher up on the list.
35. Climbing Trees.
36. Designing a dress and loving it.
37. My family.
38. Music.
39. The song "Armor of God"
40. Scaring or surprising someone. Also Being Scared or surprised.
41. Singing with the family.
42. Waking up early and feeling wonderful the whole day.
43. Those little crushes that never go away.
44. Thinking/dreaming about the future.
45. Being complimented.
46. Rigoletto, haha, cheesy. i love the music.
47. Back Scratches!
48. Payday!
49. Doodling in a boring class.
50. Smiling at old mistakes, smiling for future possibilities

That was fun. :)
Oh, here's another little blurb. It was under the "Who I'd Like to Meet" section. I guess I took it a little too seriously, but it still resonates with my values in relationships. Here it goes!

Anyone with standards the same as (if not higher than) mine. Anyone who knows what I'm going through, who can share my pain, who can comfort me, and who can help me feel peace. Anyone who can make me feel comfortable with myself, and not make me feel like I need to change to have them as a friend. Anyone I can trust with my deepest, darkest secrets.. (since I have so many.. haha). Anyone who's willing to stick with me through it all, and not just when i'm having good days. Anyone who watches Seinfield, who eats when i eat (haha.. that's a personal pet peeve of mine), who doesn't have to ask if they can have a drink of water, but isn't rude or impolite. Anyone who can tell what I feel by looking at my expressions. Anyone who compliments me when I look hideous. Anyone who simply wants to be my friend for being my friend, not for the social status. Anyone who will let me help them, and in turn can help me.

Just for the sake of entertainment, here's long-haired, copper-top Celeste!

Sep 24, 2010

Silly Struggles.

Starting a new job is.. difficult.
It's not just having to learn new procedures and routines..
For me, it's how ridiculous I feel every time I mess up.
I know it's not expected for me to know everything by the end of the week.. but I can't help but wish I did.
I keep reminding myself of the first week of driver's ed. I was overwhelmed. As pathetic as it sounds, I was so concerned with checking everything constantly. I couldn't ever remember which pedal was gas and which was the brake. I felt flustered every time I got in a car. I remember asking my mom once, "Will I ever get used to this?!" to which she calmly replied, "After a month or so, you won't even have to think about it."

It's made me realize how proud I am.
I HATE not knowing things. I HATE being on the bottom of the totem-pole. When they told me we were getting a new teller, I was thrilled... that is, until I found out she was just coming from one of our other branches. I'm still the least-knowledgable person there. haha. It's so silly, but that bothers me to no end.

It brings me back to a quote I heard forever ago.. and I'm too lazy to google it and find out who said it.. but it goes like this: "Comparison is a matter of pride."
Eek. I'm pretty sure for the majority of my life, the only way I've measured my self-worth is by comparing myself to those around me. That's an awful, awful realization. Since I heard that quote, I've tried so hard to recognize my uniquenesses and count them as virtues.. I hate to discover I haven't made it as far as I'd like to.

I really just need to accept the fact that I don't know as much as my coworkers.. and hope they don't hate my constant questions and mistakes.

Don't get me wrong, I'm loving the actual job. Once I get the hang of things, I'm sure I'll be quite content.

Please--tell me I'm not alone!

Sep 16, 2010


Dear Attractive Man in the Jeep behind me this morning--
My initial reaction to your good-lookingness was quickly replaced with incredulity at your rudeness. I realize you want me to go faster, but the giant truck in front of me was preventing me from doing so.. and I'm too kind to ride their tail like you were riding mine. Plus, they probably wouldn't have noticed my tiny little black car. Please, refrain from the rude hand gestures in the future. They're only disappointing.

Dear ISACA (standing group at the Lion House)--
I understand that you would like to have a board meeting an hour before your meal is supposed to start, and that's fine. Please don't be frustrated if we have to lean over you to get your table set up. Also, I really am sorry that your meal started 10 minutes late. It took us a while to find your salads. Oh, and in the future, when your server is literally squeezing her way between you and another person, it might be less annoying for you and her if you would move your chair in just an inch or two.

Dear Brain--
We all have our days, so I don't blame you for taking a break today. Please, hurry back from your vacation. I'm struggling without you.

Dear Friend who shall remain nameless--
I've finally realized how selfish and spoiled you truly are. At the same time, your selflessness will never cease to amaze me. (Yes, I know I just contradicted myself.. but it's the truth.)

Dear Rooney--
I've missed you. Welcome back into my life. I'm excited to listen to your newest (kind of old..) album. Let's not take another break like that, k?

Dear iPod--
I've never really thanked you for being so awesome. 6 years and counting. :)

Dear Mashed Potatoes--
I love you.

Sep 7, 2010


I'm in a super-duper mood.

From now on, (well.. technically from Saturday on..) there will be no more dealing with silly brides and high school dance-goers for me.

Instead, I will work in the glorious field of MONEY.
I'm seriously excited. I want to learn all there is to learn about banking.
I'm starting as a teller at Health Care Credit Union.

Can I get a "hollaaaaa!"?

This is the male (much cooler) version of me.

Aug 29, 2010

Unending Lamenting

Dear, oh dear. What a strange weekend.
Yesterday I was on my way to work when my loverly sister Chelsey called me. This is sort of what our conversation went like:
Chelsey: " I have three speakers for our ward tomorrow. Would you be willing to be the fourth?"
Celeste: "Uhh.. did you call the right person?"
Chelsey: "Celeste. My sister. My youngest sister. Are you willing to speak in church tomorrow?"
Celeste: "Uhh.. okay!"
Chelsey: "Thanks! If you could speak on the importance of attending our church meetings, that would be great!"

Me, oh my.. what a topic. There's really not much to say! Go to church. It's a commandment. Done.

Buuuut of course, being my silly ol' self, I looked up one quote, called it good for the day and went to Karate Kid (which is a fantastic movie, despite the issues I have with it's name.) Then this morning I woke up around 9:30.. (Sundays are my days to sleep in.).. and realized I had absolutely nothing prepared. Sooo I rushed around in the scriptures, searched like crazy, and threw together a talk. It went pretty well, if I might say so. :)

Then I went to my friend's homecoming opportunity to speak upon returning home from a mission. Yes, I realize the hypocrisy of me telling people it's important to go to their church meetings only to leave 5 minutes later. It was fun to see some of my friends that I hadn't seen in a while, but for some reason I found myself in a terrible mood. I tried to pinpoint the reason for my pouting.. and after a while I decided that it brought me right back to high school.. which was not something I particularly enjoyed. I mean, I didn't dread going to school everyday. In fact, I quite enjoyed band and lunch.. and even most of my other classes. I just didn't enjoy the social atmosphere. I felt smothered in artificial happiness. I felt like the only time I enjoyed myself was when I was making a complete fool of myself, which I would eventually regret.

Anyhow, I kind of decided I wouldn't go to many more homecomings opportunities to speak. Which is kind of a downer, because I really do enjoy seeing my friends. I just really, really dislike that high school... stuffiness.

Those high school reunions are sure gonna be fun, right? heh.. heh..

Goooo high school!

Aug 26, 2010


I can't really tell you why, but I've been obsessed with this Incubus song:

Bat your eyes, girl. Be otherworldly.
Count your blessings. Seduce a stranger.
What's so wrong with being happy?
Kudos to those who see through sickness.
Over and over and over and over and ooh...

She woke in the morning.
She knew that her life had passed her by
And she called out a warning:
"Don't ever let life pass you by!"

I suggest we learn to love
ourselves before it's made illegal.
When will we learn?
When will we change? 
Just in time to see it all come down.

Those left standing will make millions
writing books on the way it should have been.
When she woke in the morning,
she knew that her life had passed her by
And she called out a warning:
"Don't ever let life pass you by!"

Floating in this cosmic jacuzzi,
we are like frogs--oblivious
to the water starting to boil.
No one flinches. We all float face down.

She woke in the morning.
She knew that her life had passed her by
And she called out a warning,
"Don't ever let life pass you by..."

I haven't had much to say lately. That's why this poor page has been abandoned. I haven't read anything to expand my understanding of the world.. which is usually when I have the biggest desire to write something.

I HAVE been reading some books by one of my mom's favorite authors, Madeleine Brent. Funnily enough, I was reading the bio about the author.. which is something I hardly ever do.. and found out "she" is actually a man. This was after I'd read a couple of "her" books. I was pretty amazed because of the accuracy with which he writes the woman's typical perspective on relationships, life, and the woman's role in the world. There were a couple of things that I looked back on and realized were a little.. different.. from the usual female opinion.

Anyway, that whole experience made me realize how truly different men and women are. Our perspectives about almost EVERYTHING are so different. I wish I could expound.. but I'm afraid most of the things I would say are pretty stereotypical and even though I believe they are true, I don't want to offend anybody.

Here's the book I'm reading right now. I think the women on the cover are gorgeous. I wish their look were in-style..

AAAnyway. That is all.

Aug 6, 2010


My emotions are going haywire today.
  • I'm so grateful for my family and friends. They are so supportive and loving.
  • I'm so frustrated with my own stupidity. Sometimes I wonder if my brain is completely functional.
  • I'm exhausted. I feel like life has required so much energy and effort lately.
Because I'm a planning-type of a person, I'm almost constantly thinking about the future. Most of the time I'm excited for the possibilities, but right now I'm anxious, nervous, hesitant, and worried.

I feel like I've been ignoring things that need desperate attention, and now they're getting back at me by screaming in my face. I need to learn how to handle those stressful, annoying aspects of life with a positive attitude instead of just shoving them under the rug and hoping they'll go away.

In other newwwwsss..
I've been in love with LACE lately. It's so hard to get the right kind though.. most of it just looks tacky.
I want to be this girl on my wedding day..

Ah. I love weddings. Especially when you can tell the bride and groom are mature enough to know what they're actually doing. It's like all the worries about life melt away for a few sweet hours and all that's left are the beautiful possibilities of a life well-lived and an eternity full of love. I get frustrated when girls focus more on the actual wedding than the marriage.. but I'll readily admit that I'm pretty excited for my wedding day.. whenever it may be. haha.

Often people attempt to live their lives backwards; they try to have more things, or more money, in order to do more of what they want, so they will be happier. The way it actually works is the reverse. You must first be who you really are, then do what you need to do, in order to have what you want.
-Margaret Young

Aug 2, 2010


Remember this post? Here goes part dos.
  • Going to bed early. Like.. Grandma early.
  • Waking up early and eating a healthy breakfast
  • The sun and wind on my face
  • Catching a whiff of myself and thinking, "Hooray! I smell good!"
  • Throwing my hair in a ponytail to get it out of my face and realizing that it actually looks pretty good.
  • That moment when I realize I've become accustomed to something that heretofore made me nervous.
  • Using the word "heretofore" appropriately.
  • Driving when hardly anyone else is on the road.
  • Geeking out to classical music.
  • Clean clothes. Especially when ALL my clothes are clean.
  • Realizing that I don't care if people think I'm a dork.
  • Knowing that I AM a dork.
  • Awkward dance moves.
  • Finding that I'm okay with letting go.
  • Watching my savings account grow. (haha.. I'm a little vain, okay?)
  • Finding that quote that perfectly suits my feelings.
I know I've already put this quote up, but it's the BOMB.
"We need not be let alone. We need to be really bothered once in a while. How long is it since you were really bothered? About something important, something real?"
-Ray Bradbury

Jul 27, 2010

On a Religious Note..

I'm reading The Infinite Atonement by Tad R. Callister.

If you aren't in the process of reading a book right now, you NEED to read this book.

Today, this is the paragraph that struck me.

"If there had been no Atonement, the rising of every sun would be a reminder that for us it would one day rise no more, that for each of us death would claim its victory, and the grave would have its sting. Every death would be a tragedy, and every birth but a tragedy in embryo. The culmination of love between husbands and wives, fathers and sons, mothers and daughters would perish in the grave, to rise no more. Without the Atonement, futility would replace purpose, hopelessness would be exchanged for hope, and misery would be traded for happiness. If there were no Atonement, Elder Marion G. Romney declared, 'The whole purpose for the creation of earth and our living upon it would fail.' President David O. McKay quotes James L. Gordon in this regard: 'A cathedral without windows, a face without eyes, a field without flowers, an alphabet without vowels, a continent without rivers, a night without stars, and a sky without sun-- these would not be so sad as a ... soul without Christ.' The contemplation of such a world as this would be the most despairing thought that could ever darken the mind or sadden the heart of man. But fortunately, there is a Christ, and there was an Atonement, and it is infinite for all mankind."

I've never looked at what life would be like without the Atonement. I've always focused on the possibilities that come about because of it. It's heartbreaking to consider the awfulness of what life would have been like had the Atonement never occured. In contrast, how beautiful it is that we don't HAVE to worry about what that would have been like.

Slight change in subject!
I have to admit that I've been struggling a little with.. life in general. I know that it's expected of people my age to have a hard time deciding what to do with their lives, and I think I'm the epitome of that situation. It's like my brain is in a pinball machine bouncing in a never-ending triangle of "school, career, mission". For the past couple of months, I've been working on the path that leads to a mission. I can turn in my papers in January.
If I'm being completely honest, I'm terrified for my life to move forward. At the same time, I'm bored of my situation. I feel like my progression since high school has been very limited. To be blunt, I've felt pretty pathetic.
Today, I plan to change my mindset. As scared as I am, I plan to make a decision by the end of the day (with a little divine guidance).
Wish me luck!

Jul 22, 2010


Am I the only one who's noticed a dramatic increase in bug population recently?! Ew.
At work yesterday there were at LEAST 10 grasshoppers RIGHT outside the door. Some were even on the door and I had to brush them away from the handle to lock it when I left.

Today I was mowing the lawn and was attacked viciously by fire-bugs and moths.

At Lake Powell there were so many spiders I wanted to vomit when I looked at the docks and I was afraid to sit anywhere until I checked for the 8-legged demons.

Come on seagulls, let's see you do something useful.

This is the ceiling of the houseboat slips. Seriously, this made me cringe. I know it's hard to see.. but they were EVERYWHERE!


Jul 6, 2010

Life is Work

A few weeks ago, I was talking with my dad and brother after work and my dad asked me to do something in the house. I think it was probably just cleaning a room or mowing the lawn or something, but being stubborn and ornery I said something to the effect of, "I've been working all day!" My dad got a little frustrated and said, "Life is work." At the time, I didn't think much about it. This was my workaholic father speaking-- the same man that wakes the entire family at 6 in the morning with his vacuuming-- so naturally that's something he would say.
A few days later I was, once again, chatting with my bro, Eric. He said, "I keep thinking about when dad said 'Life is work'." We kind of left the conversation at that, but Eric's reminder made me think more about it.
My perspective on life has always been a little bit.. frivolous, I suppose. I usually scoff when I hear everyone talk about how hard life is and how stressful it can be. I get annoyed when people complain because, in my eyes, life is simple as long as you keep an eternal perspective (except for the occasional trial that heads your way). That's just the way I figured I would get through life, until I started thinking about why, in my dad's opinion at least, life was work.
The first reason I thought of was because if you don't work, you aren't going to get very far in life. You have to work for what you want. There are NO shortcuts. If you want a college degree, you have to go to school. If you want a fantastic career, you have to take the steps to get yourself there. No matter what tv shows or books may tell you, you can't make a life for yourself in a week. It comes with dedication, patience, and most of all, work.
After my initial realization, I started to explore other areas of life where work might be considered an essential. My mind went to religion. The type of work required in religion is sometimes hard for me to consider as "work". These tasks, to me, include scripture study, prayer, temple attendence, service.. all the sunday school answers. Scripture study isn't "work" to me, because I love to read. It still takes dedication and an active, ready-to-learn mind. Prayer is something I've had to work hard at. I used to always do "thinking" prayers, never speaking out-loud. I would frequently lose focus and find myself wondering if I had actually ended my prayer. As pathetic as it sounds, I had to work at kneeling, praying outloud, and saying the things that truly needed to be said instead of reciting the usual "prayer-lines". Temple attendence is definitely something I struggle with. Mostly because I hate to go alone and it's tough to find someone that can always go at the same time as me. I miss the Jr. High days when we went every Tuesday morning. Those were good times. It's the same principle as my initial realization. If you don't work hard (in your religion), you aren't going to get very far.
My mind moved to other aspects of life (and continues to do so), and recently it's become difficult for me to think of something that doesn't and will never require work. It was a little disheartening to me. I love to have a light heart and believe that everything will work out in the end. Ironically, I never realized that for things to work out, you had to work at them. I wanted everying to be natural and beautiful without my having to put a lot of effort into it. I imagined that kind of life, and at first I LOVED it. Everything seemed to be perfect. No worries, no struggles, just beauty and comfort. The more I think about it, the more I realize that the things I enjoy most right now are the things I've worked the hardest for. I love to play piano. Has it always been that way? Absolutely not. There were phases when I never wanted to touch those 88 dreadful keys ever again. Thank goodness my mom knew better and kept me going. As vain as this sounds, I love Brody (my car). To know how much time and effort has gone into my little buddy makes it impossible for me to be indifferent about him. I love my family. We work together on building relationships. So basically, what I'm saying is that I don't want ANYTHING unless I have to work for it. I find myself agreeing with my wise dad.

(and that's not a bad thing)

Jun 18, 2010



These are the things I'm MOST looking forward to:
  • A break from normality and routine.
  • A break from my friends. (Sorry. I hope that doesn't offend anyone. hehe.. awkward.)
  • No LIGHT POLLUTION! (I'll get to actually see the stars.)
  • Chillin with the fam.
  • It doesn't take me bumming a ride to go on an awesome hike. I can just GO.
  • I'm going to ski like a demon this trip. I want to get better.
  • I get to wear my new AWESOME life jacket!
  • Sleeping outside with the breeze caressing my smiling face.
  • The sun on my skin.
But MOST OF ALL I look forward to CLEAN AIR!! Especially after today. Here's what happened.
I was on trax on my way to work at the Lion House.. and this man (who I'm sure had a lovely personality) got on who had the WORST stench I've ever had the misfortune of smelling. Within seconds my stomach felt nauseous and my head was about to explode. Then I (finally!) got to my stop and walked downtown, relishing the ability to breathe normally.. but alas, my sense of smell was so sensitive at this point that every little scent made my stomach queasy. I got inside the Lion House and the overpowering smell of (fantastic) food didn't help much. I spent 4 or 5 hours running around with a pounding head and uneasy stomach only to get back on the train with ANOTHER PUTRID MAN (who, again, I'm sure had a wonderful personality.) I was seriously trying to take deep, dreadful breaths to make sure I wouldn't vomit and make it ten times worse for everyone else on the train. Again, when I got off the train I tried to breathe in some fresher air.. but it was polluted with exhaust from the waiting busses and cars. Finally, I arrived at home where, to me at least, the air is scent-free and beautiful.

Jun 9, 2010

Cheer Up!

I haven't had a happy post for a while, and I think it's something I need right now. It's strange, usually when spring gets started I'm constantly in the greatest mood imaginable. This year, I'm stuck in this dumb, depressed-mode. It's kind of driving me crazy. Today I decided I feel much better after I've done something active, like hiking, running, or playing frisbee.
Anyway, for my "positive post", I decided I'm going to list some of my quirks and little factoids.. and hope it will entertain all my faithful readers. Here goes nothing!
  • My (current) favorite colors are, in order of greatest to least, as follows: red, purple, orange, yellow, green, blue, black, and white.
  • My (current) favorite gum flavor is Extra Polar Ice.
  • I have a tiny little bucket that I put my spare change in. When it's full, it makes me ridiculously happy. When it's empty it kind of bums me out. I hardly ever empty it for this reason. Right now it's overflowing.
  • When I was in elementary school, my parents bought me a starfish skeleton. I LOVED that thing. I wrapped it in toilet paper to try to keep it safe.. to no avail. The arms broke off one by one and eventually I lost it. This Christmas they bought me a new one (along with TONS of shells). It's bright reddish-orange.
  • I don't like poetry much, but sometimes I like to read the lyrics to Incubus songs and challenge myself to not think of the music while I read through them. Same thing with church Hymns.
  • In Jr. High I was convinced I was going to be a prom dress designer. I drew dresses whenever I got the chance. I still have most of my drawings. That's the main reason I now work at Modest By Design.
  • My favorite feature used to by my eyes. In all honesty, they were the only thing I really liked about myself. Now I like most everything. (I hope that doesn't make me sound cocky..)
  • I keep every kind note I recieve in a shoebox. When I'm struggling with something I pull them out to help remind myself what's really important.
  • When people ask me what my favorite book is, I rarely tell them the truth. I usually say it's the Uglies series or Stargirl. While I love both of those, my favorite book is called "It's a Happy Thing". It has a list of things that make most people happy (i.e. "the smell of rain") and it also has kids answers to the question "what is happiness?". I (used to) keep it in my car, Brody.
  • I write letters to my future husband in my journal. This also helps me to remember what's truly important.
  • I prefer to sleep with a light on, but not because I'm afraid of the dark.
  • When I was little, I was in Murray Community Dance. I quit after 3rd grade to play soccer. I've regretted it ever since.
  • One of my favorite movies is "The Lion King". If I watch it by myself I will undoubtedly cry.
  • I love getting my hands dirty.
  • I find it extremely difficult to NOT look at stylish people. It makes me feel like a creeper, but I feel like I have to figure them out.
  • I used to pretend I didn't like flowers cause I didn't want to be the "girly girl". Now I openly admit to liking them. Simple daisies are my favorites, follwed closely by daffodils. Day Lillies were my favorites in high school.
  • I have two whistles hanging on my bedpost. I don't allow myself to blow them. I thrive on those types of small victories.
  • One such small victory is when I choose a random person and try to make them smile. I've never failed. :D
Wow. That went on for longer than I had planned. haha. I think you should all comment with one little (happy) factoid about yourselves.

"Those who bring happiness to the lives of others cannot keep it from themselves."
-Sir James Barrie

Jun 3, 2010


Remember Brody? He's my first true lover.
We share a connection deeper than that of person to person... mainly because he doesn't have a brain and I can control him completely.
Well, today I may have ruined our relationship forever. I was just cruising on state street in the right lane, turned my head to the left to check my blind spot, and didn't notice the giant truck in front of me slowing down to turn right. BAM! "Wait," my brain thought, "what just happened?"
I should have taken a picture of the damage, but I was a little flustered. Poor Brody has the car equivalent to a black eye with broken bones all around the eye socket on his left side. The radiator busted and antifreeze poured out like a thin, green blood. The hood bent into a triangle as if Brody were giving me the look that said, "How could you be so careless?" and my soul wanted to scream back "I'm so sorry! You've done nothing but obey me and steal my money!"

Oh well. He needed a new paint job anyway.

May 31, 2010

Memorial Day!

My family has never made a big deal out of Memorial Day. Once in a while we'll have a family bbq or go to the cemetary up in Morgan to visit my Aunt Colleen and Uncle Reed.
Today will be no different. I expect nothing spectacular from today.
Despite that, I love hanging out with my family. We have some hilarious times, some goofy times, and some spiritually awesome times.

Yep. We're awesome.
Love you Mom, Dad, Chel, Eric, Paul, and Chrissie!

May 18, 2010

Learning Style

(Above is the main reason this post came to be. I'm tired, so I may post something really idiotic. Forgive me.)

I'm fairly certain this is me.. depsite the small percentage of people that actually learn that way. There are a few things that aren't true.
For example:
 I don't get antsy and have to move a lot, but I fidget if I'm in the same position for too long.
I'm not extremely comfortable touching others. I guess I just feel like the more reserved I am, the more my physical gestures will mean when I make them.
 I'm not extremely talented sports-wise.. but I'm not awful at them either. If I made more of an effort to be good at them, I'm sure I could.
 I'm not hyperactive. At all.

Other than that, it's spot on.
I doodle in church cause for some reason, it helps me concentrate. I'm sure it doesn't help others very much so I try to refrain.
 I LOVE to read fiction books in which the author tries to teach you something through the story line. I DEFINITELY learn a lot through my emotions.
The ONLY way I've found I can excel at things I want to is by imitating the work of the people I admire. I don't mean copying them exactly, but I have to have some idea of where to begin before I can change the things I dislike (which I usually change because I've seen someone else do it a different way). This is why I'm convinced I would be a poor writer, because everything I'm ever "inspired" to write is because of something I've read. Same thing for songwriting.
Anyway. It's kind of fun to understand yourself better.. soo.. how do you learn best?
By the way.. thanks Jill for making me think about it. You're awesome. :D

p.s. I'm not sure if this is going to be a long-term phase or just something I'm feeling tonight.. but I'm really annoyed by personalities right now. I'm not sure how to explain it.. but I guess I feel like personality shouldn't be an excuse for someone's behavior. At the same time, I know it's a little contradictory to say that because obviously a person will always be themself.. so I guess I'm frustrated by myself, too. I guess the best word for my mood right now is discontent (definitions 2 and 3).

May 10, 2010

Prep Time.

So my dear friend Kylee just did a post about things she wanted to do this summer.
It got me thinking about my Bucket List and the things I've done on it. You'll be happy to know I've accomplished 17/100 things in two years. Oooh. That doesn't look as impressive as I thought it would. Anyway, I decided there are a few I'm going to get done this summer (and maybe fall). Hopefully I'll do more than just these, but we'll see. They are:

9- Hike Mt. Olympus
15- Write a (freaking awesome) song
58- Pretend to be a bum
60- Work in a Haunted House
79- Pretend to be a movie star in public
92- Learn Clair de Lune

If you're interested in joining me on any of those, let me know. :)

Here's a picture to brighten your day.

May 4, 2010


If you think the guy in the video of the week has ANY good ideas, you're a creeper.
You should just go turn yourself in to the police.

Ideas he gave:
Tell girls you want to eat their eyeballs.
Act like a child
Pretend you're divorcing a girl you just met.

Either he's joking or he belongs in a mental institution.

Just throwing that out there.

Apr 25, 2010


I know I just talked about my desire to improve my talents, and I think this video is beautiful.
I recommend watching it Full Screen. (You might have to click on it and go through the actual youtube page. Sorry I'm not technologically savvy enough to do that for you.. haha.)

Man, I absolutely LOVE the gospel and the hope it gives me.

Apr 21, 2010

Poetry :)

I've got nothing to rant about today, so here's a poem. I liked it. :)

The Most Beautiful Flower
by Anonymous

The park bench was deserted as I sat down to read.
Beneath the long, straggly branches of an old willow tree.
Disillusioned by life with good reason to frown,
For the world was intent on dragging me down.

And if that weren't enough to ruin my day,
A young boy out of breath approached me, all tired from play.
He stood right before me with his head tilted down
And said with great excitement, "Look what I found!"

In his hand was a flower, and what a pitiful sight,
With its petals all worn - not enough rain, or too little light.
Wanting him to take his dead flower and go off to play,
I faked a small smile and then shifted away.

But instead of retreating he sat next to my side
And placed the flower to his nose
And declared with overacted surprise,
"It sure smells pretty and it's beautiful, too.
That's why I picked it; here, it's for you."

The weed before me was dying or dead.
Not vibrant of colors: orange, yellow or red.
But I knew I must take it, or he might never leave.
So I reached for the flower, and replied, "Just what I need."

But instead of him placing the flower in my hand,
He held it mid-air without reason or plan.
It was then that I noticed for the very first time
That weed-toting boy could not see: he was blind.

I heard my voice quiver; tears shone in the sun
As I thanked him for picking the very best one.
You're welcome," he smiled, and then ran off to play,
Unaware of the impact he'd had on my day.

I sat there and wondered how he managed to see
A self-pitying woman beneath an old willow tree.
How did he know of my self-indulged plight?
Perhaps from his heart, he'd been blessed with true sight.

Through the eyes of a blind child, at last I could see
The problem was not with the world; the problem was me.
And for all of those times I myself had been blind,
I vowed to see the beauty in life,
And appreciate every second that's mine.

And then I held that wilted flower up to my nose
And breathed in the fragrance of a beautiful rose
And smiled as I watched that young boy,
Another weed in his hand,
About to change the life of an unsuspecting old man.