Sep 24, 2010

Silly Struggles.

Starting a new job is.. difficult.
It's not just having to learn new procedures and routines..
For me, it's how ridiculous I feel every time I mess up.
I know it's not expected for me to know everything by the end of the week.. but I can't help but wish I did.
I keep reminding myself of the first week of driver's ed. I was overwhelmed. As pathetic as it sounds, I was so concerned with checking everything constantly. I couldn't ever remember which pedal was gas and which was the brake. I felt flustered every time I got in a car. I remember asking my mom once, "Will I ever get used to this?!" to which she calmly replied, "After a month or so, you won't even have to think about it."

It's made me realize how proud I am.
I HATE not knowing things. I HATE being on the bottom of the totem-pole. When they told me we were getting a new teller, I was thrilled... that is, until I found out she was just coming from one of our other branches. I'm still the least-knowledgable person there. haha. It's so silly, but that bothers me to no end.

It brings me back to a quote I heard forever ago.. and I'm too lazy to google it and find out who said it.. but it goes like this: "Comparison is a matter of pride."
Eek. I'm pretty sure for the majority of my life, the only way I've measured my self-worth is by comparing myself to those around me. That's an awful, awful realization. Since I heard that quote, I've tried so hard to recognize my uniquenesses and count them as virtues.. I hate to discover I haven't made it as far as I'd like to.

I really just need to accept the fact that I don't know as much as my coworkers.. and hope they don't hate my constant questions and mistakes.

Don't get me wrong, I'm loving the actual job. Once I get the hang of things, I'm sure I'll be quite content.

Please--tell me I'm not alone!


kell said...

Oh, girl. You are SO not alone!! I'm right there with you. On every aspect. It isn't a fun realization, is it?
Yeah... And I certainly know how you feeling being new to a job! You're flustered and frustrated by your lack of knowledge and abundance of mishaps..! Look on the bright side: at least you still have your job and they're letting you learn! I got fired for my mishaps.. After only a month. Really, people?? Really? So no. You are NOT alone, and you have people who believe in you--you will learn and get the hang of it. Look at how well you drive now!! ;D
And you have people who think you are great, regardless of how you do or don't compare yourself to others.
:) Thanks for sharing your weaknesses. It helps me realize my own (we have a lot the same!) and help me want to work on them.
Ilikeyou. :) Thanks, Celeste. You're a gem.

Kristie Lynne said...

Ya. I started working at a new branch this past week and it's been a rough adjustment. Everything you said hit the nail on the head. For me it's hardest to go from being the one who's been at a place the longest and knows a lot to being a stranger where everyone else knows more than you. So ya. I guess it's pride for me too.

KHathaway said...

Deeeeeear Celeste. I know exactly what you mean. I felt like I was the scum of the earth for about the first 2 months of my job at Desert Star. That was until I realized I was one of the few who actually cared about my job...hahaha. But I mean, every time I ordered something wrong or dropped food and it had to be remade, I felt like a complete and utter failure. I felt like I was letting EVERYBODY down. I just have to tell you though, I don't find it completely prideful to compare yourself to others in the workplace. I think it's a good way to know how you're doing. If you look around you and feel like you aren't doing well, then you will only work harder. Then by the time you feel like you're above par or on track, you'll be used to working hard and you'll only continue upward. That's just my opinion though. If you work hard (which I'm sure you do), you'll be surprised at how many people pay attention and respect that.